Who am I?

Recently I came across an article “Reach out to your new pastor’s wife” (https://justmoved.org/reach-new-pastors-wife/) It was a survey done on the pastor’s wife and their feedback.  I laugh about it as I read it, but deep down I couldn’t help to agree most if not all.

What do you wish the congregation would know about you?

• The church hired my husband, not me. I’m not his secretary or courier.
• I’m a real person and not perfect or always have it all together. I have the same fears, struggles, insecurities, and flaws as everyone.
• I’m a person, not an entity.
• I’m a member of the church with gifts and abilities just like everyone else. I don’t necessarily have more gifts or abilities.
• I have bad days too.
• What I look like and how I worship and respond to the message or the service is not a subject for comment or gossip.
• Who I’m married to doesn’t define who I am.
• I’m learning right alongside everyone else and I don’t have all the answers.
• Treat me as you would want to be treated. I’m just another Christian woman doing the best she can to follow Jesus.
• Don’t assume I’m too busy; let me be the judge of my schedule.
• I may not know all the details about every church event. I also may not attend every church event.
• Don’t view our relationship as one in which I meet your needs.
• Don’t put unrealistic expectations on me to know all the “right” answers, quote a Bible verse every time we talk, be “perfect”, or have it all together.
• No two pastors’ wives are the same. Some love having others in their homes, some sing, some love leading, some are very out-going, others want to be in the background or are shy and don’t like large groups. Some find it difficult to build relationships. Just as all women are unique, so are pastors’ wives. Have realistic expectations of your pastor’s wife.

Sunday mornings for a pastor’s wife:

• I’m essentially a single mom on Sunday, which makes that day more stressful for me. My husband leaves two hours earlier than the rest of the family and I need to get the kids ready, arrive on time, and show up at church with a smile, and expected to encourage and offer gentle wisdom to every congregation member I run into.
• Sundays can be very lonely as a pastor’s wife. I look around at other families who are able to worship together. It’s something I long for, but will not have.

 
I am glad to know that there are so many pastors' wife out there who are facing the same struggles as me and it's nothing wrong for me to feel this way.  However, I do wish for a mentor who can be there for me guiding me through this journey.  
 I am grateful for church members who have extended their warm hand of fellowship to me and make me feel who I am.  Nevertheless, it is a lonely journey and only God whom I can confide with.  I am thankful I have a loving husband who tries his best to be there for me.  Of course, my two beautiful kids who filled my days with laughter and memories.


Given a choice, perhaps I wouldn't choose this path again.  Yet I know that every life experience is a learning curve.  Now it is up to me to allow it to mold me to become more Christlikeness or bring me down. 


How about you?