Who am I?

Recently I came across an article “Reach out to your new pastor’s wife” (https://justmoved.org/reach-new-pastors-wife/) It was a survey done on the pastor’s wife and their feedback.  I laugh about it as I read it, but deep down I couldn’t help to agree most if not all.

What do you wish the congregation would know about you?

• The church hired my husband, not me. I’m not his secretary or courier.
• I’m a real person and not perfect or always have it all together. I have the same fears, struggles, insecurities, and flaws as everyone.
• I’m a person, not an entity.
• I’m a member of the church with gifts and abilities just like everyone else. I don’t necessarily have more gifts or abilities.
• I have bad days too.
• What I look like and how I worship and respond to the message or the service is not a subject for comment or gossip.
• Who I’m married to doesn’t define who I am.
• I’m learning right alongside everyone else and I don’t have all the answers.
• Treat me as you would want to be treated. I’m just another Christian woman doing the best she can to follow Jesus.
• Don’t assume I’m too busy; let me be the judge of my schedule.
• I may not know all the details about every church event. I also may not attend every church event.
• Don’t view our relationship as one in which I meet your needs.
• Don’t put unrealistic expectations on me to know all the “right” answers, quote a Bible verse every time we talk, be “perfect”, or have it all together.
• No two pastors’ wives are the same. Some love having others in their homes, some sing, some love leading, some are very out-going, others want to be in the background or are shy and don’t like large groups. Some find it difficult to build relationships. Just as all women are unique, so are pastors’ wives. Have realistic expectations of your pastor’s wife.

Sunday mornings for a pastor’s wife:

• I’m essentially a single mom on Sunday, which makes that day more stressful for me. My husband leaves two hours earlier than the rest of the family and I need to get the kids ready, arrive on time, and show up at church with a smile, and expected to encourage and offer gentle wisdom to every congregation member I run into.
• Sundays can be very lonely as a pastor’s wife. I look around at other families who are able to worship together. It’s something I long for, but will not have.

 
I am glad to know that there are so many pastors' wife out there who are facing the same struggles as me and it's nothing wrong for me to feel this way.  However, I do wish for a mentor who can be there for me guiding me through this journey.  
 I am grateful for church members who have extended their warm hand of fellowship to me and make me feel who I am.  Nevertheless, it is a lonely journey and only God whom I can confide with.  I am thankful I have a loving husband who tries his best to be there for me.  Of course, my two beautiful kids who filled my days with laughter and memories.


Given a choice, perhaps I wouldn't choose this path again.  Yet I know that every life experience is a learning curve.  Now it is up to me to allow it to mold me to become more Christlikeness or bring me down. 


How about you?

On Fire

Ever wonder when will your house be burned down?  Just recently, I came so close to such experience.

It was just another afternoon.  Andrew was in the office.  Elyse was in school attending Robotics.  Erwyn and I were at the dining table; I was coaching him on his homework.  My mom was with us the past few days.  As usual, she practically forbid me from doing any household chores and cooking.  So, I don't step into the kitchen whenever she is around.

Lunch was over but mom was still busy in the kitchen.  I didn't care much as she loves cooking; probably she is preparing snacks or dinner.  Not until I smelled something amiss.  I didn't want to make a fuss or interfere at what mom is doing, so I remained at the dining room.  The smell grew stronger.  And stronger.  Finally I left Erwyn and went into the kitchen.  Seeing that my mom was keeping the laundry, I opened the lid and wondered what was she boiling.  Noticed the water level was very low, I turned off the fire.

"Ma, what are you cooking?" I asked.  "Close the lid, close the lid!" she yelled back at me.  "I am cooking oil."  Although there are hundred of questions marks in my head, I obediently switched on the fire to low and closed the lid back.  I convinced myself that mom knows what is she doing, just let her be; I went back to Erwyn and continue on with our study.

Minutes later, I smelled the burning smell again.  Even Erwyn also asked me what is grandma cooking.  Since I have interfered the first time, I didn't want to barge in again.  I waited and waited.  By now, the whole house is full of burning smell.  I wonder did our neighbor smell it or not. 

Finally, I went back to the kitchen with no signs of mom.  So, I opened the lid again to check.  I was expecting to see a black pot.  Smoke maybe.  But to my horror, there's an open flame!  I turned off the stove and reached out for a bigger pan lid and close the pot, hoping that this may cut off the oxygen supply.  But the fire continued to burn inside the pot.  At the same time, I called for Erwyn to give Daddy a ring so that he may be home to assist.  My dear Erwyn took the phone to me instead.  I guess he was panicked and didn't know how to make calls at such a moment.  Dialing Andrew and thank God, he picked up the phone swiftly.  He might have rushed back but to me it took him forever to be home. 

The pastor of the church may have never thought of his wife would be capable of burning down the church.  It would be a big news!  After all, we only moved here 4 months ago.  Andrew seemed lost at what to do initially.  Finally, he recalled there's a fire extinguisher outside at the lift and made use of it.

Thank God that the fire is put off and no one was hurt in this accident.  Looking back, this is our very first encounter with a real fire senario.  I am grateful to God that recently I saw a clip on why we shouldn't pour water onto a grease fire.  If not, more harm could be done. 

Grandma's passing

After 3 weeks of food gallivanting, Bi Ee Ean finally bid us farewell and returned to Adelaide on April 1st.  The same day, mom came over from JB.  The timing was excellent as Andrew would be away for Pastors' School for the next 3 days.

One of the advantages of moving to KL is my eldest aunt is staying in Puchong.  So, after staying with us for a couple of days, my mom went over to stay with her for a few days before returning on Wednesday morning.  With the help of the GPS, I managed to fetch her back all by myself.    

But at midnight mom received a call from my aunt.  Grandma was hospitalized and my uncle planned to make a trip to Segamat at 6am that morning.  So, I drove my mom over to my aunt's place at 5am and back in time to prepare the kids to school.

Apparently Grandma complained she was suffering from breathing diffculty and finally they sent her to hospital that evening.  She went into coma the following morning.  However, later that evening she woke up.  But her condition worsen on Saturday and the doctor advised to pull the plug by Sunday morning. 

When I heard that saddening news on Saturday evening, I decided to make a trip down on Sunday morning.  Again, this was the first time I drove all the way to Segamat from KL all by myself.  The kids were with me.  Andrew was preaching on Sunday morning hence couldn't come along.  We reached Segamat around 11:15am.  However, around 10:40am my sis called me and said grandma has passed away. 

I stayed for awhile before making my way back to KL again as Elyse has handbell performance that evening.  We left at 1:15pm and estimated to arrive at 4:30pm.  It was quite rushing as 5pm is the service.  Elyse managed to grab a bite before running over to join the handbell.  Meanwhile, I contacted her teacher to ask about taking a day off from school on Tuesday.  Usually it isn't an issue but coindentally she is sitting for her exam these two weeks. 

Monday morning Andrew had to conduct a funeral for a church member.  Children went to school as usual but they skipped the afternoon class.  We left KL around 2pm and reached Segamat at 5pm.  The wake and funeral were done according to Buddhist rite.  We didn't join the rite but simply stayed put.  I am utterly surprised to see not many of my cousins turned up for the wake and funeral services.  At the same time, the family is more open-minded now.  Not forcing anyone of us who are Christian to join the ceremony.  It wasn't so when my grandpa passed away.  My sis and I helped with the collection of the 'pek kim' (donation for the deceased family) that evening.

Andrew took off so he needed to inform the church office the reason.  Ps Ricky asked the office to send a wreath and he told the LCEC about it.  But since Andrew only told them on Monday evening, he was afraid that the wreath couldn't be delivered in time as the next day noon we were leaving for burial.  So, he told the office no need to send.  A few church members passed the 'pek kim' to me and conveyed their condolences.  For that I am grateful.

Tuesday morning, more chanting and buddhist rite but finally we left for the burial ground at 12:30pm.  Grandpa was also buried at the same place.  This was my first time visiting grandpa's tomb after he passed away when I was 12. 

Came back around 3pm and rushed back to KL immediately.   Tiring trip and Erwyn fell ill on Wednesday evening.  He had a temperature hence didn't go to school on Thursday.  Andrew is also not feeling well. It's Holy Week and many services ahead.  But I am glad to be there with the family at this moment of grief.