The Final Days...

His last words to me...

On Thursday morning, Andrew helped Dad to rest in the living room and then he left for work.  He was supposed to come back around 10am to pick Dad up for hospital check-up.  A short while later, my FIL was struggling to get up from the sofa.  I held up his arm and offered him a helping hand.  He politely turned to me and said, "Thank you, Shally."  I know he was weak and every words took a substantial amount of energy.  Yet in his distress, he had never forgotten to say 'Thank you'.  Such a gentleman he was.




The time has come...

After returning from the hospital, Dad was feeling very weak.  He was fine during the visit to the hospital, even talking normally to the doctor and walking by himself.  By evening he seems totally exhausted.  Andrew just let him rest the whole evening.  We did not even wake him up to take his pain killers as he seems peacefully sleeping.

The next day, Friday, Dad was semi-unconscious the whole day.  Yesterday, when Dad was talking to Dr. Francis, he asked what are they to do if he becomes unconscious or no longer able to take the medicine orally.  Dr. Francis pointed out that there were options of admitting Dad and putting him on drips to provide the necessary nutrients and medicine for Dad.  However, Dad declined.  He was determined to make sure his journey on earth to end as fast as possible.  He did not want to prolong "life", or in his own words - suffering.

We offered him sips of water throughout the day.  However, our hearts sank knowing that his time would be due soon.  For the very first time, we told our little girl that Ah Gong was dying.  Elyse cried.  She was upset the whole day and kept repeating, "I don't want Ah Gong to die."  That affected Erwyn as well.  Innocently, he asked us:"Ah Gong going to die ah?  I don't want Ah Gong to die."  It wasn't easy for both for us to withold our emotions while explaining the recent events to the little ones.  But we know that it is necessary to prepare them for the worst.

Late that night, after returning from my DG, I was doing some work on the computer.  I could hear the heavy breathing sound coming from Dad's room.  I peeped on Dad whenever I came in and out of the computer room.  He was lying still; one would thought that he was just fast asleep.  I was feeling tired and hoping to finish off the last few power-point slides that I was working on.  Suddenly, it daunted on me that I did not hear Dad's breathing.  I suspected something amiss, but I thought perhaps Dad's breathing has calmed down a little.  "After I finish this one then only check on Pa", I thought to myself.  It didn't take long.  In less than 5 minutes I shut down the computer, switch off the light and walked right into Dad's room.  Fear gripped my heart as I looked at the once-familiar-face.  There's no life in it.  I hurried to the bedroom and woke Andrew up.  Somehow, he knew it even before I whispered a word.  Andrew called the ambulance and they verified the death of my FIL.  At 12:30am, our dearly beloved had gone home to be with the Lord.  He left this rotten body, re-joined the thousand of other saints, especially his beloved wife whom he missed so much, in a place called heaven - our eternal home.


Breaking the news...

After confirming with my sis-in-law and aunt on their flight back to Malaysia, Andrew decided to have the Wake and Funeral on Tuesday evening and Wednesday morning respectively.  He sent out an email to the church leaders while I updated the news on FB.  As much as we wanted to keep it a private event, we realised there are many people who care and love my FIL.  Within hours, the email was circulated all over the churches, from Malacca to PJ to KL to Teluk Intan.  Whatsapp and smses flooded Andrew's mobile.  Many were surprised by the news of my FIL's passing.  Who wouldn't be?  After all, my FIL had been keeping everyone in the dark for the past three weeks. 


The Wake and the Funeral Services

Andrew had decided to preach on both the Wake and Funeral Services.  His commitment to do his best drove him to burn two nights of midnight oil.  He was pushing himself so hard that after the creamation, he was coughing and feeling nausea.  He slept for two days and finally recovered from his exhaustion.

Both Services were well attended by church members from near and far.  Many friends came from TMC PJ.  I know of one couple who hired a shuttle van to drive them to Malacca as they both are in their 80s.  Some of them stayed overnight in hotels so that they could attend both services.

Dad had asked one of his DG members, Ai Leng, to give a eulogy at his Wake.  Yes, he even had this prepared.  But we wanted to give Elyse a chance to say something in the Funeral as well.  She was so upset when we told her that Ah Gong was dying.  To calm her down, Andrew suggested that she say her goodbyes to Ah Gong during the funeral.  That comforted her a little.  So, she told me what she wanted to say and I wrote it down for her.



Elyse's Eulogy

I love Ah Gong.  I know he loves me, too.  Now that he has gone to heaven, I will not see him anymore.  But we still love each other.  Every time when I do well in my spelling or dictation in school, Ah Gong rewarded me with RM10.  This year on my birthday, Ah Gong promised to give me one hundred dollars to buy what I want as birthday present.  But I'd rather have you Ah Gong than the one hundred dollars.  I miss Ah Gong but I will see him soon in heaven.

Elyse delivered her eulogy excellently.  Not wanting Erwyn to feel left out, we asked Erwyn if he would like to say something as well.  Knowing that he is still young, we taught him to say something simple, eg I love Ah Gong.  He agreed.  But when he was on the stage, I could see him trying to hold back his tears.  I wondered whether he actually understood what happened or he's still too young to comprehend.  But that look on his face broke my heart.  And I know his love for Ah Gong is no less than anyone of us.  Finally, he cried.

Prior to the services, Erwyn asked us to allow the casket to remain at home all the time.  We were surprised by his request.  But that showed how much he loved Ah Gong.  Though Ah Gong was lying still and could no longer play or talk to him, he would still want to have Ah Gong nearby.


Little incidents...

A week later, my little boy came back home from school and the first thing he asked: Where's Ah Gong? Yes, it has always been his routine to look for Ah Gong after school.  I was taken aback and paused for a few seconds. Then he smiled awkwardly and I realized it slipped his mind. I questioned him back, "Where's Ah Gong" and he replied, "Ah Gong is in heaven".

Two weeks later one evening, I was sorting out the laundry thinking to myself: Better clear all the clothes cause tomorrow when Pa comes back he would have a lot of clothes to wash.  For one second, I was stunt!  Looks like I, too, have forgotten that my FIL is in a better place.



A Note of Thank You...

We are so grateful to everyone who has offered their help in one way or another.

• Pastor Danny who has helped us to call the undertaker and making all the necessary arrangement with the worship leaders and musicians;  
• Douglas and his daughter, Pastor Danny and the Myanmese for worship lead and playing the musical instruments for the Wake and Funeral Services.  They have kindly obliged to my FIL's request that the worship be led in an upbeat mood.
• Koon Roy, Mei Leng and Shawn lend us their office's portable air-cond to cool down the living room which was like a oven that few days.  They also helped us to organise a luncheon after returning from the crematorium;
• Colin and Siang Ling who made arrangement for an air-cooler to be placed in our home as well;
• The church office, ie Karen, Nancy, Pastor Danny to answer hundreds of calls enquiring about the Wake and Funeral Services;
• Tengkera 3 DG for organising and serving the light refreshment after the Wake Service;
• Many church members offered to take care of my kids or send them to tuition.  Although we graciously decline their offer, I was very tempted since both Andrew and I were exhausted throughout the ordeal;
• TMCPJ folks who came all the way from Klang Valley to pay their respect to Dad;
• All who expressed their condolences via wreath, white gifts, smses, whatsapps, emails and phone calls;
• Je Ee, Bi Ee Ean and Audrey for rushing all the way back from Australia to support us in this time of bereavement.  Not only did they take care of the kids, they also helped us to keep the house sparkling clean.  They even helped me to wash the living room after the "mini flood" at midnight on Sunday; and endured the temporarily power-supply cut off for a few hours without complaining on Wednesday early morning;
• My mom stayed with us for a couple of days after the event.  Helping me with the chores, playing with the children and cooking every meal for us;
• The company of our family including the church community for consoling us from the pain of losing a loved and for filling our hearts with the warmth of knowing that we are not alone in such times.
• Most importantly to God for everything. He always know what is best for His children.  

Thank you and God bless you!

Discovering the Shocking News

Dad had been having fever and joint pain for the past few weeks, starting from early June.  Finally after the fourth week, he agreed to see Dr Charles on Monday, 22nd June.   He prescriped paracetamol, antibiotic and several types of medicines for Dad.  He was so kind to check on Dad via sms the following day.  However, the condition remained the same.  So, the following Monday, 29th June, Dr Charles did a blood test for Dad.  The result was back on 1st July.  He commented Dad was super healthy; but there's one or two areas he was a bit concern.  Thus sending Dad to Dr Ng Seng Man to do a chest x-ray and an ultra sound for the abdomen the following day, 2nd July.

We all know how time consuming it is even in a private hospital.  But all three doctors who treated Dad gave him special 'greenlane'.  The ultra sound and CT scan showed that the gallbladder was bloated and the doctor suspected it was caused by the gallstones.  An operation was scheduled on the same day in the afternoon.  After the scan, Dad saw Dr Siaw to examine his heart.  Dad jokingly asked Dr Siaw will his heart endure the operation or there's a possibility he may die at the operation theatre (OT).

The children and I rushed to the hospital after school, wanting to see Dad before his operation.  However, we missed him.   Although the op was scheduled at 5pm but Dad was pushed into OT for preparation around 2:30pm. We waited outside the OT for a few hours until the kids were complaining hungry.  Checked with the nurse and they told us it would be another hour or so, hence we grabbed a bite at a nearby restaurant swiftly.  To our horror, the hospital called us up 30 minutes later and apparently the op was over and we were told to be there ASAP. 

We ran back in no time and Dr Francis had a lengthy chat with Andrew in the OT while the children and I waited outside patiently.  All kinds of thought flew across my mind and worry started to build up.  Apparently, Dr Francis discovered that the gallbladder was not bloated, there were extensive tumors all over the gallbladder and liver.  The tumors had rupture with extensive blood and abysses all over the abdomen.  This is the reason why Dad had been having fever non-stop.  A sample was sent to the lab and the result was cancerous.  The condition was so bad that the surgeon decided to just close up the wound as nothing much could be done.

We brought the kids to the ward waiting for Dad to return.  It was another long wait before we saw Dad.  He was in so much pain and could hardly talk.  Finally he fell asleep and we went back home, exhausted both physically and emotionally.

The next morning, we went back to the hospital and Dad was in his jovial mood again.  He was feeling much better and that's where Andrew broke the news to him.  This father-and-son 'serious' talk doesn't sound serious at all.  Dad took it so lightly and he even cracked a joke on it.  He said, "Last time Ma
(my late mother-in-law) used to say that I have a monster in my stomach.  Now we know what is this monster."  My heart was aching listening to him leave instructions to Andrew.  I left the hospital before 11am to resume my duty as a mom.  Andrew stayed with Dad the whole day with his laptop.  I brought the children to the hospital and they were both excited to see Ah Gong wide awake.  Andrew left with us around 5pm as that evening the church had an inter-church event conducted at Wesley.  

Many church members heard the news of Dad being admitted into hospital.  Many expressed their care and concern.  I was caught off guard on how to answer many of their questions, eg. How big is the stone?  What went wrong?  How is your father-in-law?  When will he discharge?  Dad specifically told us that he did not want anyone to know of his condition.  He's a very private man.  He did not want the attention.  Nevertheless, we are so touched by the love that was showered on us by this community of faith.

Andrew went back to office to settle a few things on Saturday since he was out of office for the past two days.  I, on the other hand, was kept occupied by ferrying my daughter from tuition to tuition.  We dropped by the hospital after lunch.  Dad looked well and he was permitted to consume solid food, finally!  Dr Francis thought of discharging Dad on Sunday, however, we were a bit reserved with that.  Sunday was a busy day for Andrew.  In the event that Dad needed help, I alone could not manage with two kids side by side.  So, we postponed it to Monday.

Sunday after church, we visited Dad again in the hospital.  He was up walking around like a healthy person.  In fact, he wanted to walk to the 7-Eleven downstair all by himself before we arrived but the nurse refrained him from doing so.  But the nurse gave the greenlight when we accompanied him.  The children were thrilled, holding Ah Gong's hand and walking by his side as though they were there to take care of him.  Dad even bought a few packets of buah kurma and asked the kids to give it to the nurse-on-duty as a gesture of thanking them for their kindness.  We were surprised by Dad's recovery and regretted for not discharging him on the day itself.

Three days after the operation, Dad was taking a walk at the hospital

It was Monday, Andrew went to the hospital to settle all the bills and discharged Dad whereas I stayed at home.  The procedure might take a little longer and I need to pick up the kids on time.  True enough, Dad came back home only around 2pm.  He looked a bit exhausted and rested in his room. 

The days after his return from the hospital his appetite went from worse to worse.  Initially he could still eat a few mouthspoon of rice or noodles.  Towards the end, he could only consume one or two spoons of soup.  The ulsers in his mouth caused much discomfort as he ate.  The pain in his abdomen was unbearable at times.  He was taking morphine tablets (OxyContin 10 mg) and other types of pain killers twice a day.  It's all about pain management for now.  Dad was trying  his best to be with the family as much as he could.  Spending his last moment with us was too precious to missed.  But there were times he had to hide in his room with his door closed to prevent the children to see how torturous it was with the intensive pain he endured.

Spending time with the family though Dad was weak

Dad went back for another round of check-up on 11th July (Saturday).  The lab report showed that not only did Dad have a very rare type of cancer - gallbladder cancer, it was a very aggressive type as well.  Andrew and Dad mentioned to Dr Francis about his poor appetite and other symptoms;  Dr Francis gave him different pain killers, a higher dose of morphine and medication to help his appetite.


Finally, it was Raya break and Dad wanted to settle a few things in Subang.  We went back on Monday and came back to Malacca on Wednesday afternoon.  Dad was exhausted after the journey.  He rested in his room for the rest of the day.  
 

Three days before his departure

Dad

This is one of the toughest blog I intend to write... I fear that my words would not be able to describe even 50% of how excellent this man was.  And he is none other than my late father-in-law (FIL), Mr Benny Lim Peng Leong.

My FIL had a superior fitness regime that keeps him healthy.  He was as healthy as a horse all along.  Almost everyday he would go for his morning walk around our residential area.  He joined the Saturday Praise Dance every week without fail.  He went for his regular check-up at UH.  He took his vitamins and supplements consistently.  We were not expecting him to leave us so soon although we know that he missed his wife very much even after three years.  And he was ever ready to leave this world behind without any regrets or hesitations.

Dad loved his grandchildren.  He pampered them with gifts, hugs and kisses, and played with them no matter how tired he was.  Very often, he would doze off while playing with the kids yet he never complained.  Sometimes, he would even take the kids out (one at a time) to buy things.

Dad had retired from work since ... but he was not one who sits around doing nothing.  On the contrary, he helped Mom (my late mother-in-law) with the household chores and thereafter, me, for the past three years.  He didn't mind to dirty his hands with the soiled nappy when the two little kiddos were infants.  He kept the garden in tact though he did not have green fingers.  Whenever I am back from market or grocery shopping, he would be the one that helped me to carry heavy stuff into the house.

Dad loved to study the Bible.  He loved to teach.  He was my facilitator when I enrolled for Baptism & Membership Class back in Trinity MC, PJ.  He was not afraid to discuss about controversial views on the Bible.  He did not impose on his students on his personal view.  He was open-minded.

Dad was also a thrifty man. However, that only applied to himself.  He was very generous to others especially us.  Whenever we go out for meals, he would quietly pay the bill at the counter before we do so.  The past two years during Erwyn's birthday, he bought a Superman and a Mamee Monster shirts for the boy as he knew that Erwyn likes it.  However, he would never spend that amount of money on himself.  He would always look out for cheap t-shirts and pants for his own use.  And the batik shirt that he wore to church was as old as Andrew.  Andrew often told us how Dad used to buy two sets of KFC dinner plate for him in his growing years, yet the parents ate none.

Dad did not like to trouble anyone including his own family.  Whenever I helped him with something, even with the slightest things on earth, he would notice and be grateful for that.  There were several times I offered to help him to sew his pants but he declined.

Dad always wore a big smile.  Simply flip through any old photos of him, you would notice he always carried a cheerful smile.  He was a friendly person though he's a private man.  He did not have many close friends whom he kept in touch with.  His world revolved around his family and it was the family he cared the most.

There were so many more things about Dad but it would be too lengthy if I write them all down.  Though he was my father-in-law, he was closer to me than my biological father who passed away 8 years ago.  Many times we joke about Dad would be the next one to leave this world, but when the time came, it was more difficult to bear than we thought.  He had been with us for the past three years; at home or everywhere else, his shadow was everywhere and it was not easy to forget the good old days we used to have.

Thank you, Dad, for leaving us with such a legacy behind.  You have shown us how excellent a person could be as a follower of Christ.  As a husband, your cared for your wife during her suffering and your devotion for her even after her passing demonstrated to us what love truly is; as a father, you worked hard and provided for your children the best you could afford; as a staff of the education department, you supported your boss and colleagues and everyone of them praised you for your dedication and good working relationship with others; as a member of TMC PJ, you served the church in various committees and contributed your gift of teaching in Membership Class and Disciples series; as a grandfather, you pampered them like any other grandparents and your best quote was: Grandparents spoil the kids; parents fix the kids (a borrowed quoted from Aunty Ah Cheng).  We love you and you will always live in our hearts.

Memories of a Dear Friend by Mr Gan

Memories of a Dear Friend

(Lim Peng Leong 2.5.46 - 25.7.15)

I received a call from my good friend Joseph Naden when I was at my Suria Utama Townhouse in Bandar Utama, Petaling Jaya last month, informing me that our dear friend Lim Peng Leong had passed away. I could not believe what I heard and I asked him to repeat what he said. The next day when I went with Foo Lai Ning, Periasamy, Joseph Naden and Jenny to pay our last respects to Peng Leong in Malacca, I learnt from his son Andrew that his father went for what was thought a normal gallstone operation three weeks before but the surgeon found cancerous tumours spreading inside his body. Peng Leong didn't want to have any treatment and left the hospital. He gave Andrew a list of his friends to be informed after his passing and said, "If you have problem to contact any of them, uncle Gan may be able to help."

Peng Leong passed away peacefully at 1am on Saturday, 25 July 2015 after feeling tired and lost consciousness in the previous evening.

I first met Peng Leong in 1971 when I was sent to Kuala Lumpur Technical School, Jalan Cheras for teaching practice. I was pursuing the Certificate in Education at University of Malaya after graduated from Kuala Lumpur Technical College. He was a big towering fellow and was always wearing a smile. Peng Leong was three years my senior in college and in spite of being a young teacher, he was given important responsibilities by the school principal Mr Xavier Nathan. He was also highly respected by his colleagues and students.

I was posted to Penang Technical School, Jalan Ibbetson in January 1972 after I completed my Education Course in University of Malaya. There I became close to a colleague Koh Moh Tang who was a good friend of Peng Leong. Peng Leong always came back to his parents' house at Jalan Besi, Green Lane, Penang and would spent time with Moh Tang and me.

Moh Tang left Penang Technical School to join the private sector at the end of 1973 and later migrated to Australia. Peng Leong was transferred to Alor Star Technical School in 1972 to assist his principal En. Abdul Razak bin Mohd Sharif in setting up the new school. My relationship with Peng Leong continued as my girl friend (later wife) Siew Lean is from Alor Star and I normally contacted Peng Leong when we were in Alor Star. Peng Leong would invariably call for a dinner together with a group of his colleagues at their favourite haunt, the Cafe Siam in Jalan Kota. There was always a lot of laughter during the gathering. Peng Leong was a carefree bachelor then but one day when he was giving me and Siew Lean a lift from Penang to Alor Star, there was a petite lady sitting in the front passenger seat of his car. I observed that throughout the journey she was constantly and gently wiping off sweat from Peng Leong’s face (The Fiat 850 had no air-conditioning). She was Miss Koay Hock Tin, a teacher from Penang teaching in Alor Star and the future Mrs Lim Peng Leong.

I passed the Council of Engineering (UK) Examinations and was transferred to Ungku Omar polytechnic, Ipoh as a lecturer in January 1976. In May of the same year, I was moved again to Technical & Vocational Education Division (BPTV), Ministry of Education Malaysia in Kuala Lumpur as a Senior Assistant Director. Our destinies intertwined again in 1979 when Peng Leong was posted to BPTV after his return with a Master Degree from University of Wisconsin-Stout, USA under Ministry of Education Scholarship.

My 11 years in BPTV from May 76 to November 87 was one of the most rewarding periods of my career. I worked under a great boss Tuan Haji Mohd Rafik Khan and had a team of dedicated officers with me. Peng Leong was a very competent officer who always gave me good supports. The other officers who had helped me greatly were Foo Lai Ning, Sia Kah Ngan, Tan Hock Ghee, Joseph Naden, Periasamy and Rahman Arif. I have fond memories of our curriculum meetings together with vocational school teachers. In the old days when the Government had limited operating budgets, we could only organise our meetings in low-cost venues. One of our favourite places was the Telecom Training Centre in Malacca which provided us with meeting rooms and hostels. It was not all work and no play for us as we played badminton at the centre’s gym in the evening and spent happy hours at the Portuguese Square at night. Another memorable venue was the NUBE (National Union of Banking Employees) Centre in Port Dickson where the chalets were comfortable and the meals were

good. We used the dining tables in the chalets for meetings, and Peng Leong and I would volunteer to sleep in the living rooms in order to have enough bed rooms for the teachers.

I left BPTV for Ungku Omar Polytechnic as Head of Mechanical Engineering Department (Dec 87 - Jan 98), then as Director of Johor Bahru Polytechnic (Feb - Nov 98) and Sultan Abdul Halim Muadzam Shah Polytechic (Dec 98 - Jan 05), and retired in January 2005. Peng Leong stayed on in BPTV (Became Technical Education Department in 1996) until his retirement in May 2001.

Peng Leong studied theology and devoted himself to church work after his retirement. After his dear wife Hock Tin passed away in 2012, he moved from Subang Jaya to live with his son Andrew who is now a Pastor in Wesley Methodist Church, Malacca. Andrew is a graduate in Electric Electronics Engineering but left the corporate world for God's calling. Peng Leong’s daughter Audrey is working and living in Australia.

Peng Leong was one of my most admired and respected friends. He was a principled, selfless, humble and simple man. He will be dearly missed...

Gan Chee Kuan

August 2015 

 

Our last exchange after my missed call

With Foo Lai Ning, Joseph Naden & P Periasamy

Eulogy for Dad by Lim Ai Ling

First let me share how at the beginning, there was this awkwardness of not knowing how to address Peng Leong.  He was after all, Pastor Andrew's father and so, I thought Mr Lim or Uncle Lim seemed more appropriate.  However, this awkwardness was soon put to rest when he joined the Kelbang 1 Disciple Group last August.  In no uncertain terms, he told the group, "You can call me Benny or Peng Leong, it doesn't matter, but don't call me Mr Lim".  And so with that, the ice was broken, and the awkwardness vanished.  That was the beginning of a special friendship we enjoyed with him and not with "our Pastor's father".

And now to explain why I am standing here giving the eulogy.  Three Sundays ago, I met Peng Leong as we were walking to the sanctuary.  We stopped to chat for a while.  Then he said, "I'm going to ask you a favour."  He paused and said seriously and yet in a lighthearted manner, "Don't laugh when I tell you what it is. "Don't laugh..."  So I thought it must be some embarrassing incident that had happened.  More soberly this time, he said, "When the time comes, can you do the eulogy for me?"  It was totally unexpected and my instant reaction was to show a cringed face which probably spoke of my uncertainty and sadness to undertake such a task.  He continued, "So, I'm saying thank you first.  You can't say "No".  Anyway, don't worry; I'll be watching you from up there."  I nodded and whispered to him, "Live to the fullest."  Little did I know that I was going to fulfill my promise so soon.

Peng Leong came to Malacca about 2 1/2 years ago with his son and family.  He had always kept a low profile, but even from afar, I could see that he was a doting grandfather who handled his grandson superbly.  There was one bible class he was attending and for some reason that day, Erwyn chose to be with him in the class.  I was amazed that Erwyn sat on his lap throughout the session without a squeak.  The little chap was so contented and secure in his grandfather's care.  Many a time, he would also share what Elyse likes and does - like any proud grandfather would do.  His devotion to them was blatantly obvious.

Knowing him from a closer range started sometime in August last year when I was facilitating the first Journaling class.  There were only 5 members in the class and we met about 6 times.  It was here that I discovered the deep and intimate relationship Peng Leong had and was enjoying with the Lord.  Allow me to go a little further on this and try to capture his thoughts in the first person.

Once he said:

"I know the discipline is to read a portion of scriptures, to ponder over them before the Lord and to write our response.  But my personal experience in this that is my conversation with God can often stretch for days.  It is like an endless communion and a two-way conversation with Him.  Sometimes I would wrestle with God and would hear Him say to me, "You are stubborn" and at other times, I would just bask in His loving Presence."

An unceasing communion with God!  How I envy him for such an intimate relationship with God.  For sure, he had gone beyond the structure of the journaling discipline.  I felt that the journaling tool was too restrictive for him.  He had already found something better and had moved on further ahead of us, but in no way did he push his style upon us nor discourage us in any way.  On the contrary, the facilitator was humbled and inspired.  His sharing revealed to me the lack and the poverty of my personal experience with our great and loving God.  It left me with a deep thirst to know God like he did.

It was also sometime in August last year when he joined the Klebang 1 DG and we got to know him so much better since then.  When we talked about death, he would readily and wholeheartedly say that he was ready to go home to the Lord.  This was way before he had any inkling of his medical condition.  He felt that he had done everything he was supposed to do and would be ready to leave the world any time without any regrets.  I'm not suggesting that he was waiting for it.  Far from it, he was enjoying his grandchildren and family fully, he was doing his exercises to stay healthy and he was still thirsting to learn about God by attending the after-service Bible classes consistently.  But he knew that should the day come, he was ready to return to God joyfully and peacefully.

If I could try to pinpoint the key to such a deep assurance and confidence, it would be his faith made alive through the nurturing of a continual and intimate communion with God.  Many a time, he would share during our DG that our relationship with our Heavenly Father could be compared to a bedroom relationship.  It is an intimate one.  It is also the source of spiritual sustenance for a daily "walking the talk".

I am tempted to elaborate on his many other thoughts regarding his personal faith, but that would make a very long eulogy indeed.  When I try to think of what Peng Leong would have wanted to say to those he is leaving behind and who are missing him.  I believe he would want us to remember what he had said about his readiness to return home with no regrets when the time comes and that he felt he had completed his earthly task as best as he could.  It is no small comfort to hear him say that with such confidence and assurance of his heavenly destination.  Yes, I believe that is what he wanted me to say for him - "It's okay.  I'm ready.  No regrets."

And one more thing I am sure of, and that is, not only is he with our Heavenly Father now, he must be enjoying his unceasing communion with Him, asking Him all the questions he had while on earth...

Finally, Peng Leong, if you are watching like you said you would, I hope this is ok for you.