His last words to me...
On
Thursday morning, Andrew helped Dad to rest in the living room and then
he left for work. He was supposed to come back around 10am to pick Dad
up for hospital check-up. A short while later, my FIL was struggling
to get up from the sofa. I held up his arm and offered him a helping
hand. He politely turned to me and said, "Thank you, Shally." I know
he was weak and every words took a substantial amount of energy. Yet in
his distress, he had never forgotten to say 'Thank you'. Such a
gentleman he was.
The time has come...
After returning from the hospital, Dad was feeling very weak. He was fine during the visit to the hospital, even talking normally to the doctor and walking by himself. By evening he seems totally exhausted. Andrew just let him rest the whole evening. We did not even wake him up to take his pain killers as he seems peacefully sleeping.
The next day, Friday, Dad
was semi-unconscious the whole day. Yesterday, when Dad was talking to Dr. Francis, he asked what are they to do if he becomes unconscious or no longer able to take the medicine orally. D
r.
Francis pointed out that there were options of admitting Dad and
putting him on drips to provide the necessary nutrients and medicine for Dad.
However, Dad declined. He was determined to make sure his journey on
earth to end as fast as possible. He did not want to prolong "life", or
in his own words - suffering.
We offered him sips of water throughout the day. However, our hearts sank knowing that his time would be due soon. For the very first time, we told our little girl that Ah Gong was dying. Elyse cried. She was upset the whole day and kept repeating, "I don't want Ah Gong to die." That affected Erwyn as well. Innocently, he asked us:"Ah Gong going to die ah? I don't want Ah Gong to die." It wasn't easy for both for us to withold our emotions while explaining the recent events to the little ones. But we know that it is necessary to prepare them for the worst.
Late that night, after returning from my DG, I was doing some work on the computer. I could hear the
heavy breathing sound coming from Dad's room. I peeped on Dad whenever I
came in and out of the computer room. He was lying still; one would
thought that he was just fast asleep. I was feeling tired and hoping to
finish off the last few power-point slides that I was working on.
Suddenly, it daunted on me that I did not hear Dad's breathing.
I suspected something amiss, but I thought perhaps Dad's breathing has
calmed down a little. "After I finish this one then only check on Pa", I
thought to myself. It didn't take long. In less than 5 minutes I shut
down the computer, switch off the light and walked right into Dad's
room. Fear gripped my heart as I looked at the once-familiar-face.
There's no life in it. I hurried to the bedroom and woke Andrew up.
Somehow, he knew it even before I whispered a word. Andrew called the
ambulance and they verified the death of my FIL. At 12:30am, our dearly beloved had gone home to be with the Lord. He
left this rotten body, re-joined the thousand of other saints,
especially his beloved wife whom he missed so much, in a place called
heaven - our eternal home.
Breaking the news...
After
confirming with my sis-in-law and aunt on their flight back to
Malaysia, Andrew decided to have the Wake and Funeral on Tuesday
evening and Wednesday morning respectively.
He sent out an email to the church leaders while I updated the news on
FB. As much as we wanted to keep it a private event, we realised there
are many people who care and love my FIL. Within hours, the email was
circulated all over the churches, from Malacca to PJ to KL to Teluk
Intan. Whatsapp and smses flooded Andrew's mobile. Many were surprised
by the news of my FIL's passing. Who wouldn't be? After all, my FIL
had been keeping everyone in the dark for the past three weeks.
The Wake and the Funeral Services
Andrew
had decided to preach on both the Wake and Funeral Services. His
commitment to do his best drove him to burn two nights of midnight
oil. He was pushing himself so hard that after the creamation, he
was coughing and feeling nausea. He slept for two days and finally
recovered from his exhaustion.
Both Services were well
attended by church members from near and far. Many friends came from
TMC PJ. I know of one couple who hired a shuttle van to drive them to
Malacca as they both are in their 80s. Some of them stayed overnight in
hotels so that they could attend both services.
Dad had asked one of his DG members, Ai Leng, to give a eulogy at his Wake. Yes, he even had this prepared. But we wanted to give Elyse a chance to say something in the Funeral as well. She was so upset when we told her that Ah Gong was dying. To calm her down, Andrew suggested that she say her goodbyes to Ah Gong during the funeral. That comforted her a little. So, she told me what she wanted to say and I wrote it down for her.
Elyse's Eulogy
I love Ah Gong. I know he loves me, too. Now that he has gone to
heaven, I will not see him anymore. But we still love each other.
Every time when I do well in my spelling or dictation in school, Ah Gong
rewarded me with RM10. This year on my birthday, Ah Gong promised to
give me one hundred dollars to buy what I want as birthday present. But
I'd rather have you Ah Gong than the one hundred dollars. I miss Ah
Gong but I will see him soon in heaven.
Elyse delivered her eulogy excellently. Not wanting Erwyn to feel left out, we asked Erwyn if he would like to say something as well. Knowing that he is still young, we taught him to say something simple, eg I love Ah Gong. He agreed. But when he was on the stage, I could see him trying to hold back his tears. I wondered whether he actually understood what happened or he's still too young to comprehend. But that look on his face broke my heart. And I know his love for Ah Gong is no less than anyone of us. Finally, he cried.
Prior to the services, Erwyn asked us to allow the casket to remain at home all the time. We were surprised by his request. But that showed how much he loved Ah Gong. Though Ah Gong was lying still and could no longer play or talk to him, he would still want to have Ah Gong nearby.
Little incidents...
A
week later, my little boy came back home from school and the first
thing
he asked: Where's Ah Gong? Yes, it has always been his routine to look
for Ah Gong after school. I was taken aback and paused for a few
seconds.
Then he smiled awkwardly and I realized it slipped his mind. I
questioned
him back, "Where's Ah Gong" and he replied, "Ah Gong is in heaven".
Two
weeks later one evening, I was sorting out the laundry thinking to
myself: Better clear all the clothes cause tomorrow when Pa comes back
he would have a lot of clothes to wash. For one second, I was stunt!
Looks like I, too, have forgotten that my FIL is in a better place.
A Note of Thank You...
We are so grateful to everyone who has offered their help in one way or another.
- Pastor Danny who has helped us to call the undertaker and making all
the necessary arrangement with the worship leaders and musicians;
- Douglas and his daughter, Pastor Danny and the Myanmese for worship
lead and playing the musical instruments for the Wake and Funeral
Services. They have kindly obliged to my FIL's request that the worship
be led in an upbeat mood.
- Koon Roy, Mei Leng and Shawn lend us their office's portable
air-cond to cool down the living room which was like a oven that few
days. They also helped us to organise a luncheon after returning from
the crematorium;
- Colin and Siang Ling who made arrangement for an air-cooler to be placed in our home as well;
- The church office, ie Karen, Nancy, Pastor Danny to answer hundreds of calls enquiring about the Wake and Funeral Services;
- Tengkera 3 DG for organising and serving the light refreshment after the Wake Service;
- Many church members offered to take care of my kids or send them
to tuition. Although we graciously decline their offer, I was very
tempted since both Andrew and I were exhausted throughout the ordeal;
- TMCPJ folks who came all the way from Klang Valley to pay their respect to Dad;
- All who expressed their condolences via wreath, white gifts, smses, whatsapps, emails and phone calls;
- Je Ee, Bi Ee Ean and Audrey for rushing all the way back from
Australia to support us in this time of bereavement. Not only did they
take care of the kids, they also helped us to keep the house sparkling
clean. They even helped me to wash the living room after the "mini flood"
at midnight on Sunday; and endured the temporarily
power-supply cut off for a few hours without complaining on Wednesday
early morning;
- My mom stayed with us for a couple of days after the event. Helping me with the chores, playing with the children and cooking every meal for us;
- The company of our family including the church community for consoling us from the pain of losing a loved and for filling our hearts with the warmth of knowing that we are not alone in such times.
- Most importantly to God for everything. He always know what is best for His
children.
Thank you and God bless you!
